Saturday, November 5, 2011

Orange Head Joke - By Request

(shamelessly stolen from Penn & Teller)

This guy named Bruce walks into a bar and notices a man at the end of a bar with an orange head.  Not an orange colored human head, but an actual orange for a head.

Curious, Bruce sidles up to the guy, and asks him about his head.

Orange Head guy says "Well, that's a story.  Buy me a drink and I'll tell it."

One day, I was walking on the beach, and I saw something glinting in the sand, so I went over to it and picked it up.  It was a funny looking thing, caked in sand, so I rubbed it trying to get the sand off, and lo and behold, a genie popped out!

He was big and blue, with a turban and everything, and he sounded a lot like Robin Williams.  'I am the genie of the lamp... Make three wishes...'

Figuring that this was odd, and maybe some kind of hallucination caused by heat stroke, I figured I'd make the best of it, shrugged and made my first wish.

"I want to be famous, and for women to love me, and I want people to adore me the world over."


Right after the genie spoke, I got a phone call.  The guy on the phone said he was my agent and that my latest album had just sold 200 million copies!  The weird thing was that he kept calling me Justin.  (my name is Harold)

While I was on the phone with my agent, I heard a beep signalling an incoming call. I looked at my phone and Selena Gomez was calling!  I switched over to it and she said 'You know you love me, and I know you care', to which, I felt compelled to respond with "Baby, baby, baby, ooh..."  It was bizarre.  I kinda freaked and hung up on both of them.

So, Bruce  said 'Wow, that's quite a story.  Keep going...'

So, I'm standing there, and I can hardly believe what's happening, and oddly, I keep winking at people as they're passing by, but I say to the genie:

"I want to be powerful, I want to save the world and I want to do miracles"


As soon as he spoke I got this weird pain in my forehead.  I reached up to it, when I noticed I'd been scratched, or something.  Just then, I saw a blinding flash, and this weird dude with no nose popped into existence!  He had a stick in his hand. It was black and stumpy.

He pointed it at me and said something that sounded like "witchita".  I heard a weird buzzing sound and saw a bolt of lightning coming at me!  I noticed I had a stick in my hand too, and my hand raised (all on it's own) and I hear myself say something that sounded like "kalamazoo" and pointed it at the no-nose guy.

Just then, the lightning bolt that was coming at me bounced off my wand and back at the nostrilly impaired guy, blowing him into a million pieces!

It was so bizarre, and just then I got a call from this chick named "Hermaninie" or something.  She said "Oh Harry, you did it!"   Again, feeling really weirded out, I hung up on her.

So, Bruce says "Man, for a guy with an orange head, that's some crazy story, but it still doesn't explain... um.  this.  What happened next?"

The guy paused, and then said.  "Well, then I wished for an orange head."

No comments:

Post a Comment