Sunday, April 20, 2014


As a family, we've been dealing with a major medical issue since Wednesday last week.  Everyone will be fine, but while we wait, it's been an increasing struggle to focus on anything but the next set of visiting hours.

It's pretty amazing how myopic these things make us. It's hard to see anything beyond everything getting back to normal. It's hard to do anything that isn't just killing time.  It's hard to start new things, or do things that I enjoy.  And it's easy to sleep. Alot.

I've realized how much this parallels how I feel when I'm depressed.  But when I'm depressed, I'm focused inward rather than outward. I wonder if there's something to learn about how to deal with my depression in this.

I believe that everything works to God's glory, and I think we've all come to realized that we'll learn and grow from this, both as humans and as Christians. There are numerous lessons to be learned here, if we but align ourselves with God and listen.

"My eyes are ever on the Lord for only he will release my feet from the snare. Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. The troubles of my heart have multiplied; free me from my anguish. Look upon my affliction and my distress and take away all my sins." Psalm 24:15

Sunday, April 13, 2014

I struggle

One of my favorite verses in the entire bible is Philippians 4:6-8:

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, let your mind dwell on these things."

Another is Matthew 6: 31-34:

"Do not be anxious then, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'With what shall we clothe ourselves?' "For all these things the Gentiles eagerly seek; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. "But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added to you. "Therefore do not be anxious for tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

I try to take strength from these verses. I truly do, but more often than not, I fall back into worry, anxiety, depression.  I wish there were a magic pill that I could take that would make me be 100% faithful every day and that would wash away my doubt.

If wishes were horses...

I've found myself changing my habits, and it's making a difference.

Friday, February 7, 2014

The Process

Ok, so it's been a while since I've posted. Almost a year.

It's partly because last year was a more than a ltitle rough, and partly because I've been so busy.

But I'm back.

Twisted Sifter
If you don't read Twisted Sifter, you should. And if you don't read the Shirk Report every Friday, you DEFINITELY should.

Last week's shirk report caught my eye.  Yeah, the image links are already pretty good, and they actually manage to show me some images that I haven't already seen.  If you don't know, I work at Cheezburger, and we make it our jobs to find cool, funny images.

However, this video really resonated with me.

The video above talks about how our 'taste' starts out much more mature than our ability, and it can ruin an artist. I certainly suffer from that.  I find it incredibly discouraging that I can't make things turn out how I want them to, and I invariably put down my pencil or brush and wait a few months before I start again.

Remembering to "art"
Back when I was studying art, my teacher, the great Sheldon Borenstein, told me that every artist has 10,000 bad pieces of art in them, and the trick was to get them all out of the way so he can get to the good stuff.

Over the last 10 years or so, I think I've sketched, painted or drawn a couple of thousand pieces, and I only really like a maybe a hundred or so.  Not a good success ratio.

The funny thing is that I also paint miniatures, a very non-traditional kind of art, and have been painting them for 30 years. I'm pretty darn good at those.  Every one I sculpt or paint looks great. But when I look at other mediums, I'm really no where near as good as I expect.

But then, I'm still really far away from finishing my 10,000 pieces of bad art.

I think what I need to do is to use my success in miniature art to fuel my drive in other mediums. I need to remember that I can really create great work, but it just takes time, practice and it's a process. I need to be dedicated to it.

I need to "art" every day.

Only 8000 more drawings to go. If I can do 10 pieces a day, then I'm only a couple of years away.  I'd better get started.